Monday, 30 March 2009


To mindblog is quite simply to come up with an idea for a blog. Although not a security word, mindblogging is certainly relevant to any blogger, as without ideas for posts, there would be no blog.

It is also a play on mind boggling. In this case, the mind bloggles. This is said aloud when a post contains extraordinary nuggets of brain food. (Formerly known as food for thought.)

Had any good mindblogs today?

Saturday, 28 March 2009


photo found at MusicWeb
A hymplem is a long forgotten baroque in minuet style hymn, scored for operas, accompanied by the gentle plucking of the plem harp. The plem harp was named after Sir Josefto Plem. Sir Plem's was a well know private philanthropist. His great love for musicians, bread loafs, and things that made plucky noises, aspired him to commission Johanne Bloche, Austrian musical instrument maker, to make a miniature hand sized harp. "The sound should exact that of a miniature angel of heaven with which dainty sopranos could easily pluck with their delicate fingers, and should offer a sound that would unwittingly invoke tears to ones eyes." And so the plem was born, and soon thereafter, the hymplem was born.

Friday, 27 March 2009

The Ingies.

The Ingies were related to the Inca, but were much less blood thirsty preferring a nice beaker of hot sweet tea to rivers of blood. Their existence had largely been forgotten until a mountain kingdom was discovered in 1897 by the British explorer Sir Arthur Edward Humphrey Walter Calthorpe-Gofton, or Eddie as he was known.

The Ingies were highly cultured and known for their exquisite use of natural dyes in the making of complex textiles. These have been found on naturally freeze dried corpses of children, scattered throughout the vast and sparsely populated mountain region. These children had been drugged and bound in decorative string before being left to die of exposure. Their bodies have since been used to discover many previously unknown facts about this forgotten civilisation namely:

They ate mouse on toast for tea- a partially digested dinner was found inside a child's corpse.

They wore very thin clothes in cold weather- hence the number of dead children found.

They liked playing games with stones- one corpse was found with big dents in the skull from a large rock which was found close to the child.

They liked weaving and crochet. The team found some lovely doilies that the beakers of hot sweet tea were put on, to prevent scorch marks on the furniture.

A pamphlet on the Ingies can be found in the foyer, along with a box for donations to buy another freezer unit to keep to corpses chilled. We are sorry about the smell of decomposing flesh and the flies. 

Tuesday, 24 March 2009

General Seciescu meets with a grizzly end.

General Seciescu was today murdered outside his presidential palace by an angry mob lead by members of the outlawed opposition party. The mode of death was one with which Seciescu would be only too familiar and indeed gave his name to this humiliating form of torture.

Having left the palace for an official function, he was ambushed and stripped naked before being forced to wear ladies fashions from the decade that taste forgot, the 1970's. He was then lathered in make-up, and forced to wear bright red stilettos before being paraded in front of a baying mob.

In a cruel twist of fate, it seems that these lurid fashion items worked in his favour, namely due to their flame retardant nature, however, a local metalworker came forth with a red hot poker which was quickly thrust into Seciescu's rectum for all to see. He was then decapitated and his head used as a football. 

Perhaps the most humiliating aspect for Seciescu was knowing that video footage would be posted on the Internet for millions to see.  Having studied the footage, it is interesting to note how easily this giant of a man strutted around in 6" heels, which is difficult enough at the best of times, but with an angry mob baying for blood? 

Saturday, 21 March 2009


Troschi are wood folk of the spirit world. They live in enchanted woods and glades where their work is to ensure the continuation of all that is sacred, all that is beautiful.

Without their collective power, there would be no bluebells, no moss, no lichen or common orchids shooting through the cold earth. Indeed everywhere would become barren and unpleasant and life as we know it would cease. It is they who wake each living thing from the slumber of winter. It is they who mourn the death of all living things no matter how small or inconsequential.

Yet these Troschi have been persecuted for centuries as freaks and beings to be laughed at. They were hunted to near extinction, dried, ground up and served as a traditional medicine for every kind of ailment. The very best dried cadavers were mixed with rare oils and goose grease, which was applied to face, hands and genitalia to give the wearer special powers. This was then sealed with pure gold foil, creating a dazzling visual display. 

Troschi is now available in a synthetic form, thus sparing the lives of these beautiful spirits of nature. The hunting of Troschi is now illegal and there is a £10,000 fine and up to a decade in prison if caught and convicted of harming these lovely beings.

You have been warned.


Wednesday, 18 March 2009


Not a bit musseled. Simply led by a muse. Museled.

Mind, if the muse is made of mussel rather than muscle, then by all means, be musseled by your muse.

For those of us who prefer muscle, well, if this muse happens to have muscle, in the right places, by all means then, let's be muscled. Muscle museled.

Hip Hip Hooray! A muscley muse has me museled! Hip Hip Hooray.

Now... where were we... Shhh.

Tuesday, 10 March 2009


X2341W3 or the Tristr as it is more commonly known, is a star of exceptional beauty that can only be seen during certain atmospheric conditions- namely the aurora borealis or northern lights.

These lights create great shimmering and pulsing washes of green, magenta and blue that arch and sway through the sky and sometimes, just sometimes the legendary Tristr can be seen.

It is said that the light from this star is able to heal all the woes of the world. For centuries it has appeared in many legends and tales of heroism throughout the northern most parts of the world, and symbols can be seen in early cave paintings. It is thought that this is the source of a glass like mineral that can be found in the area and which is reputed to have healing properties.

A word of caution though: should you see the Tristr, your life will be changed beyond all recognition and you must accept these changes else die. Those that have been blessed must live away from the community and never see another human again- though they are richer than Croesus.

Which would you choose dear friend? Which would it be- change beyond comprehension or friends, family and love?